TheVacancy.Net Travelogue

This has got to be the funniest thing I have seen since the "Burger and Fries" video.

from Office of Public Information at Southeastern Louisiana University:

HAMMOND - Southeastern Louisiana University's visual arts program has been accredited for the maximum five years by the National Association of Schools of Art and Design (NASAD).
The announcement means that every degree program at Southeastern required or recommended by the State Board of Regents to achieve national discipline-specific accreditation has been reached said Tammy Bourg, interim provost and vice president for academic affairs.
NASAD accreditation means that the program meets nationally established curricular standards and guidelines for degree programs. The association is recognized by the U.S. Department of Education as the agency responsible for accreditation of all art and design curricula.Only about 280 programs out of 1,600 in the nation are accredited institutional members of the association.
"In practical terms, accreditation is a national stamp of approval by a non-governmental agency that our art program ascribes to and meets or exceeds a determined set of nationally-established criteria for the programs we offer," said Bourg.
Interim Dean of the College of Arts, Humanities and Social Studies Bryan DePoy said the accreditation followed a comprehensive self-study and site visit by an independent team of peer examiners. The process confirms that the program meets its educational objectives and academic standards.
He said Southeastern's Department of Visual Arts has more than 450 students majoring in its 10 program concentrations. The department, headed by Dennis Sipiorski offers degrees in art education, history, ceramics, digital art, digital design, drawing, painting, photography, printmaking and sculpture.
For more information on the Department of Visual Arts, call 985-549-2193.

For the entire 8 months leading up to our wedding, I laughed at the idea of saving the top of my wedding cake and eating year-old flour and fondant. I barely eat FRESH cake as it is, let alone AGED wedding cake. Gross. I had my cake [and ate it, too!] on the wedding night, and the week after...and the week after that. Time came and went, and now our first anniversary has also just passed. We still revel in the wonderful job Ambrosia Bakery did. We both still think the idea of year-old cake is gross.

To my surprise, my mother saved the top of my cake [God bless her]. I was stunned--and disgusted all over again at the thought of eggs that have been cracked, beaten, and baked 365 days ago (366 days, in 2008 there was a built-in preservation measure: Leap Year Day)
...but I was a little curious. She lovingly wrapped my cake in Saran wrap--as she would have were it a Barbie I wanted for Christmas--and placed it neatly into an Ambrosia Bakery box. She tucked it away in her freezer, just in case we wanted to celebrate with our year-old cake. She even moved it from one freezer to another freezer hooked up to their generator during Gustav. She labored in saving it even though she knew I thought the idea was gross.

I humbly picked it up from her freezer a few days after our first anniversary. A small wedge of the top was missing....she confessed, she tasted it. Well, I could certainly consider her deserving of a sliver of Aged Wedding Cake after all the effort she put in saving it. Once home, I let it thaw in the fridge and after dinner that night, I cut an edge of year-old eggs. I served myself a sliver of sugar. Four deep Red layers of Velvet rested patiently on my plate. In the moment of truth, I forked off a corner and smeared the red richness over my tongue.

It was glorious.

Year-old wedding cake is fabulous. If anything, the cake was a little dry, but the icing and fondant and every delicate layer was just as sweet and indulgent as the night I said I Do.

I'm sure the fact that I purchased a high-quality wedding cake from the start had a lot to do with how well it preserved...but I think having a high-quality Mom is really where all the richness came from. The aged sweetness is definitely due to a mother's touch. Thanks mom.

I love Halloween! As a Jack of the Arts, my favorite thing about Halloween is creating the most memorable, innovative, and hilarious costume at any given event. I've thought a lot about what makes a costume successful (i.e.: unique, funny, and creative), and I think I've settled on a few key points.
1. The costume pokes fun at a current event or item of pop culture.
Take some top news story headline, whether it be in sports or entertainment or politics and really, really exaggerate it. Use popular or well-known items because there is no need for an explanation, and long explanations are the enemy of humor . For example, in 2005, during Britney's scandalous marriage/pregnancy to/by a taken man, my husband and I went as Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. We did not buy anything [except a pregnant belly] from Costumes 'R' Us; we went to thrift stores and dollar stores.The result?

2. The costume is not store-bought, it's assembled and pieced together with a creative touch.
However, some elements of the costume may be ready-made. We put black mascara over Kevin's facial hair (because it's naturally red) to further liken the character. It also would not have been successful had we chosen different outfits--we made sure to wear outfits that the public was familiar with. Kevin is always seen in a wife beater, boxers, and fedora. Britney's much-publicized appearance to the Willy Wonka movie premier was the perfect outfit because it was her first major public appearnce showing off her preganancy.
3. If the costume IS store bought, it puts a new spin on an old idea or character.
Some costumes are slightly unsuccessful because there is too much focus on being sexy. There is nothing sexy about a pregnant pop star who smokes and acts like a general ass. The focus should be becoming the character...owning the character yet still being your own person. You have to choose to be sexy or funny and stick with it. Sexy costumes can be funny, but it's much harder to make truly funny costumes sexy (other than the obvious point that a good sense of humor in itself is sexy). There are reasons why you can to put your own spin on the same ol' same 'ol...

...because not everyone does.
4. The costume could be slightly offensive to those whom it pokes fun.

The key here is SLIGHTLY offensive! The Britney and Kevin costumes basically exaggerate their situation. Britney got pregnant by a man who already had two kids with another [pregnant] woman and she looked trashy in the process. My husband implied that Kevin looked like trash--all the time--by wearing his stupid boxers out of his pants and a wife beater tucked into his boxers. It would not haven been funny had it been racist or a personal attack on Britney, Kevin, mixed-race children, or people of low socioeconomic status.
5. Carry a prop. Accessories make it YOURS.
Britney has a Super Grande Starbucks cup filled with expanding foam for the iced coffee, white tissue paper balled up for the whipped cream, and brown hot glue for the chocolate syrup on top. She is also seen smoking. Kevin had a tattoo and two kids.

After feeling completely lost every day I sit down with Katie Couric and her perfectly shiny coif, she gives me the spill about the fighting in the Middle East, that no miracles occurred and we are STILL over there, and this and that and blah blah and Muslims and blah and Islam and yadda yadda...I eventually just glaze over.

I hated feeling like a gutless pastry, so I e-mailed a professor in the History Department at Southeastern Louisiana University and asked for a recommendation on an easy-to-read book about the Middle East. They recommended From Beirut to Jersusalem, by Thomas L. Friedman. It chronicles his days as a reporter in the Middle East. From what I gathered, it's basically a diary.

A month later I visited the library and investigated this potential read. The librarian told me it was on the uppermost level of the library, serving as an anchor on their FEMA tarp. I decided I'd look for a less dense book. A few Dewey Decimals down from Friedman's book was Understanding The Contemporary Middle East, edited by Deborah J. Gerner. This book is a collaboration of many scholars from many fields of study and it touches on Religion, Geography, History, Culture, and many other topics. It's less than 400 pages (Font: Times Regular typeface, approx. 10 pt with 11 or 12 leading).

Of course, every time I hop on a treadmill at the gym with this book in tow, the NASCAR fans cut me the stink eye. I must look like a terrorist studying up on terrorism. Me and my blonde-haired, green-eyed, techno-loving self. Terrorist. Ha. People scoot over a few seats or move to the next treadmill if they see me carrying the book, but that's precisely what I am trying to keep myself form becoming: an uninformed yuppy gobbling up every dramatized thing Anderson Cooper says about the Middle East.

Really...what's the big stink over there (and I don't mean the camels)? Why does everyone hate one another? And what business is it of ours? First thing the book states is the lump term "Middle East," or referring to all the Arabs, people practicing Islam, and North African countries as a single unit, is a misnomer. The second thing it goes on to say is that it's not all sand storms and semi-automatics over there. They have beautiful cities and the "Fertile Crescent," a very green area of the region suitable for crops. Not all of the countries produce oil. Although about 80% of Arabs are Muslim, only about 20% of Muslims are Arabs.

So if you're interested in learning more outside of the contiguous 48, and your own preconceptions, I recommend this book. Within the first few chapters, it clarifies that this region has more history than any other region on Earth: meaning there has been a lot of fighting, rulers, power struggles, and resentment. Humans began here. As an outside observer, and a member of a relatively new civilization, I couldn't ever understand the complexity of the issues there...but I'd like a little perspective.

Labels: arab, book review, islam, louisiana, middle east, southeastern

I love being from the South. There's nothing better than a hot, lazy Sunday afternoon on the porch swing with a glass of Iced Tea (ahem, Carolina Iced Tea) and a can of OFF!. Sometimes I feel like being a Belle is similar to an exclusive club with cult-like suspicions of outsiders. Others talk crap about them, but they wish they could be on the inside...kinda how the valedictorian feels about the head cheerleader.

I don't think I could live without my Crepe Myrtles, Magnolias, and Azaleas. I could, however, live without lovebugs, though. God just didn't give those insects brains [bless their hearts]. If you're ever swarmed, don't swat--they love that. Start a-swattin' and they com a-clinging.



Unfortunately, OFF! doesn't work on lovebugs (or noisy dogs). I don't know much about the damn things, except that nobody knows much about the damn things. They are proof that Darwinism is unbelievably flawed...these bugs are mortally retarded and I don't see how an insect of such stupidity can survive.

Something else I found unbelievable is this Pride of the South 'commemorative' ring. You have got to be f'n kidding me. I love the South, but I'm not a Confederacy Aficionado (or a racist or a supremacist or mortally retarded). I received this "offer" (translation: mockery) in the mail Thursday.



Seriously. Elvis is dead, O.J. did it, the Government is lying, and the South LOST. What kind of backwoods piece of "fine jewelry" is this? Sure, the Stars and Bars have different meanings to different people, but when you wear the dang flag it universally says one thing: "I'm uneducated." It's just a little tasteless. K-Mart carries better "fine jewelry."



I love to celebrate the South and [just about] everything it stands for as much as the average Bud-loving, rifle-toting, BassPro-shopping, camo-wearing, boat-launching, truck-driving Southerner. I LOVE Blue Collar Comedy Tour. I eat strange things. I can fry anything and I own four cast-iron skillets (three of which belonged to my great grandmother).

But I draw the line here. My "Pride of the South" lies not within having enslaved millions, lost a war, and lived in denial for 150 years. Crap like this perpetuates the belief that being "from the South" entails a fierce defense of 1861.

I think the folks at Bradford Exchange need some G.R.I.T.S.

And no post about the South would be complete without: GO TIGERS, BEAT AUBURN.

Labels: Auburn, confederate, louisiana, lovebug, LSU, south

Exclusive Blue Tarp Tee!
Help the hurricane recovery efforts in Louisiana by purchasing a Blue Tarp Tee!

The front reads, "TARP: Tropical Activity Response Protocol"and the tee shirt comes in a lovely shade of FEMA Tarp Blue. Many thanks to CafePress.com for their aid in making this tee shirt. Every purchase donates money to non-profit charitable efforts in Louisiana.

Cover your stuff South Louisiana style: with a little humor and a lot of generosity.

The Blue Tarp Tee - $24

Labels: fay, fema, gustav, hanna, hurricane, ike, josphine, katrina, lacey, louisiana, new orleans, pyle, rita, tarp

It'll just be a little wind and a little rain.

The power will go out for a few hours.

People will hoard gasoline, Bunny bread, and the good Bourbon.

So I was only a little off in my prediction of Gustav. Generally, Baton Rouge doesn't get much in the way of hurricanes. I want to say the last time we had a respectable hit was Hurricane Andrew in '92...and some people have cried wolf for every single hurricane entering the Gulf since then. Katrina was barely a blip on the radar here compared to the damage Gustav did, though.

Gustav was not forgiving to Baton Rouge. Like most people and most other storms, I really didn't expect much out of this storm. There was a lot of wind. The rain we got came in sideways. Seeing the effects of Gustav was like watching a shock wave bowling towards you and every humbled thing you own. The winds stood our shingles straight up like a bird's feathers against the wind.

I write from Shreveport, Louisiana tonight rather than my town, Baton Rouge. People did indeed hoard gasoline, Bunny Bread, and the good Bourbon. They also got every drop of diesel, premium, and probably kerosene in Baton Rouge after waiting in line for it for up to 9 hours.

The Bunny Bread, Roman Meal, Nature's Own, Generic, Winn-Dixie, Great Value, and Shur Fine breads were all gone. Even the discount bakery was wiped clean....and sometimes their bread is on the verge of edible.

Hurricane Gustav is the most devastating Natural Disaster to happen to Louisiana only behind Katrina. Nearly the entire Southeastern portion of the state was predicted to be without power (i.e.: Gas pumps, refrigeration, cooking methods, forms of communication, grocery shopping venues, purchase methods) for up to six weeks. The effects of this storm were felt all the way up here in Sherevport, where there is not a single 5-Gallon gas can to be found at Lowe's. That's incredible.

The rotten-out refrigerators of Katrina have returned. We've thrown out everything but the Corona Extras. Our freezer thawed, our milk was warm (that sucker was double-bagged and placed in the bottom of the trash can outside)...we even ran out of propane. A six-week BBQ didnt' sound too shabby until you realize you're firing up the pit with two wet sticks.

FEMA said they'd have the infamous Blue Tarps staged in Alexandria, Louisiana the day before the storm. They did not. The tarps were "somewhere" in Texas. In case you didn't know, I-10 across Texas is over 800 miles. "Somewhere" isn't a positive descriptor of location when rain is falling into your home thanks to your neighbor's sprawling oak tree.

So let us pray for a speedy recovery from this storm. And also pray that Ike just spins himself into a hot mess out in the Atlantic. Perhaps he'll just get ragged and fall apart before he threatens to send me packing to a hotel severely lacking in good coffee. :)

I know I sound like a broken record, but hard times have fallen on everyone. Everything is costing more...even the Dollar Store feels like a ripoff! One argument I hear a lot is that price of milk vs. price of gas comparison. It never made much sense to me, really. I suppose people relate them because they are both sold by the gallon? I know I've never bought 16 gallons of milk at once, thus making milk a hell of a lot cheaper than gas--regardless of the price of either. It would take me more than 3 months to purchase in milk what I purchase weekly in gas. It's not that the price of 1 gallon of gas is expensive, but that you have to buy so many gallons of it before it's useful. I'd be as happy as a hound dog on a scent if I had a car that ran on 1 gallon of gas! Even better--NO gasoline! I would love to take my bike everywhere...but if you've ever actually looked at the size of the streets in Baton Rouge, you'd notice there's hardly enough room in each lane for a VW Bug, let alone enough room for the ever-popular Hummer and a bicycle. Shoulders are out of the question...I assume it's cheaper for BR to build a street without shoulders than it is to find the funds for an extra 3 feet of pavement. Instead, I run all my errands at once--which often leads me to go grocery shopping in gym clothes and visiting the garden store dressed for work. I barter a pack of gum, for pete's sake. Okay not really, but sometimes I think about it. I have hope, though. My head tells me something's gotta give--soon--and my intuition says something will.

You bet your biscuits this is another shameless plug. I have fallen out of posting my musings online...in this sue-happy, instantaneous information, you-are-your-MySpace era, it's hard to say or do anything without the Internet Nannies shaming you. [Sidenote: DAMN YOU, WINDOWS UPDATER! I DO NOT WANT TO "RESTART NOW!!!!"] Sometimes if you post your writings, people aren't sure what to make of it so they give you the stink eye until you either explain yourself or become a recluse. Lately, however, I've been keeping up with Red Shtick Magazine. They have some pretty good--and pretty shameless--writing in their monthly musings.
Most of it is based on politics or pop culture or some aspect affecting the writer's life. The writing is humorous...the authors are the kinds of people you would expect to show up in animal costumes to the office Christmas party. Those parties are so bland anyway. Blah corporate humor.
Red Stick Comedy is the mastermind behind the whole publication. They do the only open-mic stand up comedy show in Baton Rouge (I think) that's any good (I know). Hopefully they are steadily gaining a following rivaling that of FLDS and Scientology. At least when you follow the Red Shtick, they don't make you wear foil hats or 1880's get-up.

[P.S.: I have fixed my horribly embarrassing spelling errors]