TheVacancy.Net Travelogue

I love being from the South. There's nothing better than a hot, lazy Sunday afternoon on the porch swing with a glass of Iced Tea (ahem, Carolina Iced Tea) and a can of OFF!. Sometimes I feel like being a Belle is similar to an exclusive club with cult-like suspicions of outsiders. Others talk crap about them, but they wish they could be on the inside...kinda how the valedictorian feels about the head cheerleader.






I don't think I could live without my Crepe Myrtles, Magnolias, and Azaleas. I could, however, live without lovebugs, though. God just didn't give those insects brains [bless their hearts]. If you're ever swarmed, don't swat--they love that. Start a-swattin' and they com a-clinging.












Unfortunately, OFF! doesn't work on lovebugs (or noisy dogs). I don't know much about the damn things, except that nobody knows much about the damn things. They are proof that Darwinism is unbelievably flawed...these bugs are mortally retarded and I don't see how an insect of such stupidity can survive.






Something else I found unbelievable is this Pride of the South 'commemorative' ring. You have got to be f'n kidding me. I love the South, but I'm not a Confederacy Aficionado (or a racist or a supremacist or mortally retarded). I received this "offer" (translation: mockery) in the mail Thursday.












Seriously. Elvis is dead, O.J. did it, the Government is lying, and the South LOST. What kind of backwoods piece of "fine jewelry" is this? Sure, the Stars and Bars have different meanings to different people, but when you wear the dang flag it universally says one thing: "I'm uneducated." It's just a little tasteless. K-Mart carries better "fine jewelry."













I love to celebrate the South and [just about] everything it stands for as much as the average Bud-loving, rifle-toting, BassPro-shopping, camo-wearing, boat-launching, truck-driving Southerner. I LOVE Blue Collar Comedy Tour. I eat strange things. I can fry anything and I own four cast-iron skillets (three of which belonged to my great grandmother).






But I draw the line here. My "Pride of the South" lies not within having enslaved millions, lost a war, and lived in denial for 150 years. Crap like this perpetuates the belief that being "from the South" entails a fierce defense of 1861.





I think the folks at Bradford Exchange need some G.R.I.T.S.






And no post about the South would be complete without: GO TIGERS, BEAT AUBURN.

Labels: Auburn, confederate, louisiana, lovebug, LSU, south

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Labels: fay, fema, gustav, hanna, hurricane, ike, josphine, katrina, lacey, louisiana, new orleans, pyle, rita, tarp

It'll just be a little wind and a little rain.

The power will go out for a few hours.

People will hoard gasoline, Bunny bread, and the good Bourbon.

So I was only a little off in my prediction of Gustav. Generally, Baton Rouge doesn't get much in the way of hurricanes. I want to say the last time we had a respectable hit was Hurricane Andrew in '92...and some people have cried wolf for every single hurricane entering the Gulf since then. Katrina was barely a blip on the radar here compared to the damage Gustav did, though.

Gustav was not forgiving to Baton Rouge. Like most people and most other storms, I really didn't expect much out of this storm. There was a lot of wind. The rain we got came in sideways. Seeing the effects of Gustav was like watching a shock wave bowling towards you and every humbled thing you own. The winds stood our shingles straight up like a bird's feathers against the wind.

I write from Shreveport, Louisiana tonight rather than my town, Baton Rouge. People did indeed hoard gasoline, Bunny Bread, and the good Bourbon. They also got every drop of diesel, premium, and probably kerosene in Baton Rouge after waiting in line for it for up to 9 hours.

The Bunny Bread, Roman Meal, Nature's Own, Generic, Winn-Dixie, Great Value, and Shur Fine breads were all gone. Even the discount bakery was wiped clean....and sometimes their bread is on the verge of edible.

Hurricane Gustav is the most devastating Natural Disaster to happen to Louisiana only behind Katrina. Nearly the entire Southeastern portion of the state was predicted to be without power (i.e.: Gas pumps, refrigeration, cooking methods, forms of communication, grocery shopping venues, purchase methods) for up to six weeks. The effects of this storm were felt all the way up here in Sherevport, where there is not a single 5-Gallon gas can to be found at Lowe's. That's incredible.

The rotten-out refrigerators of Katrina have returned. We've thrown out everything but the Corona Extras. Our freezer thawed, our milk was warm (that sucker was double-bagged and placed in the bottom of the trash can outside)...we even ran out of propane. A six-week BBQ didnt' sound too shabby until you realize you're firing up the pit with two wet sticks.

FEMA said they'd have the infamous Blue Tarps staged in Alexandria, Louisiana the day before the storm. They did not. The tarps were "somewhere" in Texas. In case you didn't know, I-10 across Texas is over 800 miles. "Somewhere" isn't a positive descriptor of location when rain is falling into your home thanks to your neighbor's sprawling oak tree.

So let us pray for a speedy recovery from this storm. And also pray that Ike just spins himself into a hot mess out in the Atlantic. Perhaps he'll just get ragged and fall apart before he threatens to send me packing to a hotel severely lacking in good coffee. :)