TheVacancy.Net Travelogue

I love being from the South. There's nothing better than a hot, lazy Sunday afternoon on the porch swing with a glass of Iced Tea (ahem, Carolina Iced Tea) and a can of OFF!. Sometimes I feel like being a Belle is similar to an exclusive club with cult-like suspicions of outsiders. Others talk crap about them, but they wish they could be on the inside...kinda how the valedictorian feels about the head cheerleader.






I don't think I could live without my Crepe Myrtles, Magnolias, and Azaleas. I could, however, live without lovebugs, though. God just didn't give those insects brains [bless their hearts]. If you're ever swarmed, don't swat--they love that. Start a-swattin' and they com a-clinging.












Unfortunately, OFF! doesn't work on lovebugs (or noisy dogs). I don't know much about the damn things, except that nobody knows much about the damn things. They are proof that Darwinism is unbelievably flawed...these bugs are mortally retarded and I don't see how an insect of such stupidity can survive.






Something else I found unbelievable is this Pride of the South 'commemorative' ring. You have got to be f'n kidding me. I love the South, but I'm not a Confederacy Aficionado (or a racist or a supremacist or mortally retarded). I received this "offer" (translation: mockery) in the mail Thursday.












Seriously. Elvis is dead, O.J. did it, the Government is lying, and the South LOST. What kind of backwoods piece of "fine jewelry" is this? Sure, the Stars and Bars have different meanings to different people, but when you wear the dang flag it universally says one thing: "I'm uneducated." It's just a little tasteless. K-Mart carries better "fine jewelry."













I love to celebrate the South and [just about] everything it stands for as much as the average Bud-loving, rifle-toting, BassPro-shopping, camo-wearing, boat-launching, truck-driving Southerner. I LOVE Blue Collar Comedy Tour. I eat strange things. I can fry anything and I own four cast-iron skillets (three of which belonged to my great grandmother).






But I draw the line here. My "Pride of the South" lies not within having enslaved millions, lost a war, and lived in denial for 150 years. Crap like this perpetuates the belief that being "from the South" entails a fierce defense of 1861.





I think the folks at Bradford Exchange need some G.R.I.T.S.






And no post about the South would be complete without: GO TIGERS, BEAT AUBURN.

Labels: Auburn, confederate, louisiana, lovebug, LSU, south